watching a corpse,” when they conversedrnon serions subjects, Johnson stretchedrnBoswell’s mind to the utmost. When hisrngreat friend died, Boswell wrote: “He hasrnmade a chasm, which not only nothingrncan fill up, but which nothing has a tendencyrnto fill up . . . No man can be said tornput you in mind of Johnson.” hie thenrndedicated himself to the task he had beenrnpreparing for throughout his adult lifernand settled down to write the greatest biographyrnin the English language.rnJeffrey Meyers has recently publishedrnOrwell: Wintry Conscience of arnGeneration (Norton), PrivilegedrnMoments: Encounters with Writersrn(Wisconsin), and Hemingway: Liferninto Art (Cooper Square).rnThe Way Forward IsrnWith a Broken Headrnby ].0. TaternThe Way Forward IsrnWith a Broken Heartrnby Ahce WalkerrnNew York: Random House;rn201 pp., $23.95rnSymptoms: Health fine until readsrnWalker latest. Immediate somaticrndistress of all systems inch pulmonary; digesfiverncrisis, upper, middle, and lower;rncardiac irregularih’; low and high bloodrnpressure; skin rashes and lesions; emergingrnhyperallergenic reactions to paper,rnink, reading process. Psvchosomatic reachons:rndelusions of persecufion, fears ofrnapocalypse, entropic anxieties, all leadingrnto reaction formahon of unjustifiedrnbipolar despair/joy.rnToxins hidicated: Walker syntacticrnbreakdown, sentence fragments, logicalrnvoid. Word processing/chat room/culturalrninversion induces paranoid hostility.rnWalker notes for first draft publ.rnas “book” = other books on shelf/outrage<rnfraud. Self-serving smarm andrnlack of craft and coherenconausea.rnNarcissistic twaddle palmed off as “art.”rnDeserves “F” in communit}’ college “creativernwriting” class. Identit}’ crisis: Countercuituralrnpose sanctioned by big-timernestablishment publisher w/book tour -rndemonstration of big lie. Counterculturern= establishment.rnCnosis: Political and other antinomianism,rncornball sentiments, approves ofrnThe Bridges of Madison Count)’. AlicernWalker subject = Alice Walker. “Autobiographical”rn”stories” = failure of imaginationrnbut needs new book for book tourrnand money, tax write-offs. Problem: howrnto retain victim status while exploitingrnsuccess. Solution: self-absorbed recitalsrnof thinly disguised but entirely self-servingrnblathering about victimization —rnrace, poverty, civil-rights movement,rnwriting, resentments of family, divorce,rnfeelings, feelings about feelings. Accountrnof divorce = account of her sensitivityrnthen and now; ex-husband not entirelyrnfriendly about divorce = male shortcoming.rnAlice Walker motifs throughoutrn”book” repeat familiar themes for dissertationsrnabout Alice Walker being writtenrneven now. Motifs: approving citations ofrncommunist dictators such as Fidel Castrorn(compare Maurice Bishop in previous essay);rnnumerous accounts of men hittingrnwomen and men betraying womenrn(though no man wrote this junk); cryingrna lot (though only this book itself justifiesrntears); unassimilated references to food,rnlesbian stories, and acknowledgments ofrnself-absorption and such demonstrationsrnof ignorance as “I asked him Why not andrnhe said that white male writers, likernFaulkner and Hawthorne and MarkrnTwain never wrote about themselves, andrnthat they were masters at it. And 1 askedrnhim whether this didn’t come out of a traditionrnof being a writer but needing to keeprnquiet about the slaving and gunninningrnand Indian killing in your family tree. Inrnother words, I said, if white men wroterntruthfully about themselves, how couldrnthey continue to fool the rest of us?” Acknowledgmentrnof wealth problem, inrnexceptional .statement of grammatical order:rn”Today I own large, beautiful houses,rnovercompensation for the shacks inrnwhich I was raised; and when I travel, myrnhotel suite is nearly as large as our oldrnhouse.” Footnotes to names of characters,rndenying that they are real names,rnbizarre in book of stories —confusion ofrncomplete self-absorption trumps anyrngeneric/conventional considerations.rnReading Alice Walker – entertainingrnalien “thoughts.” To do that = psychicrncrisis.rnDiagnosis: Alice Walker problem superficialrn—only part of larger cultural crisisrnwhich shatters reason, identity, andrnknowledge. Reaction essentially healthyrn= rejection of chaos. Indignation righteous.rnTherefore: return to order wi thrngood, not bad, art. Reaffirm sound values.rnHealth issue takes care of itself ifrnstrip malls, contemporar)- popular music,rnand toxic anti-discourse are avoided.rnPrescriptive Ps’chic Antitoxins: AttendrnLatin Masses. Read Bible in spite of herrnreading it. Read Plato, Aristotle, Aquinas.rnRead fiction with care for syntactical/logicalrnreaffirmation: Smollett, P’ielding,rnAusten, Waugh. Go to museums, lookingrnonly at representational art at leastrn200 years old. Practice “male gaze” onrnprovocative sculptures. Tour Europe, ignorernteenagers and traffic. Look at cathedralsrnand cashes. Listen to Bach, Mozart,rnBeethoven. Rent John Wayne videos,rnfilms noirs ditto. Cultivate phallogocentricrnrestoratives: open doors for women,rnflirt, etc. Practice good manners especiallyrnwhen that annoys counterculturalrnaliens.rnPhysical Therapies Recommended:rnTobacco (filters). Alcohol (ladies’ cocktailsrncounterindicated). Wine with pastarnand other curocentric foods. Hittingrnthings (baseballs, golf balls, hockeyrnpucks). Kicking things (footballs, soccerrnballs, doors). Running (not jogging).rnBoxing, martial arts. Sv^-‘earing, good forrnlungs and head. Join gun club, obtain licensernto carry, practice c|uick draw andrnaim, avoid hearing damage from hours ofrnshooting. Acquire shotgmi (hvelve-gaugernpimip, buckshot) for residential protection.rnCultivate manliness at all times. Tornkeep on toes, accept offers to step outsidernof bars.rnRx (Homeopathic Remedies, Cautionrnhidicated): To ease transition into debasedrnZeitgeist, immerse in destructivernelement. Sample Richard SimmonsrnSweatin’ to the Oldies videos, Julia Robertsrnmovies, Hillan,’ Rodham Clinton photosrndaily in newspapers, Oprah Winfreyrnwhining about weight and wealth problemsrndaily on television, etc. Cheek outrnpolitical pronouncements of Alec Baldwin,rnBarbra Streisand, Barney Frank, andrnJerrold Nadler. Memorize Al Gore mictionsrnabout “saving the integrity of our democraticrnprocess.” Approach AlicernWalker “books” wifli forked stick. Takerntwo aspirins and call in morning.rn].0. Tate is a professor of English atrnDowling College on Long Island.rnTo Subscribern(800) 877-5459rnMARCH 2001/35rnrnrn