lot to ask.rnAs during the Cold War, U.S. policymakersrnassure us that independentistasrnare “left of red,” in Eric Burdon’s felicitousrnphrase. W-liile it shouldn’t muchrninterest Americans what kind of economicrnsystem other peoples may choose,rnthe messy fact is that statehood is advertisedrnby its proponents as a pass on therngravy train, a free tray at the welfare-staternbuffet, while independence leader SenatorrnMartinez is given to such commie observationsrnas “the founding fathers didrnnot intend statehood as a ticket for a poorrnnahon to a cornucopia of federal welfarernbenefits” and “the basic economic problemrnof Puerto Rico i s . . . dependence onrnU.S. subsidies.”rnStatehood advocates —the “goodrnPuerto Ricans,” in the view of the Democrat-rnRepublican Party—base their casernalmost solely on welfarist grounds; itrnis the independentistas who reject thernstatehood utopia of one big happy welfare-rnfattened bilingual Puerto Ricanrnstate. While the Republican NationalrnHispanic Assembly gushes that statehoodrnwould turn welfare into a “right ratherrnthan charity,” the “leftist” Stevens-Arroyornargues that “the statehood myth carriesrnthe seduction of dependency. Like arnhospital patient on a life-support system,rnPuerto Rico’s economy has become dependentrnon subsidies.”rnIndependentistas assert that culturalrnregeneration must precede economicrnprosperity’. This is why the typical university-rnbound activist who uses wordsrnlike “transgressive” is unsympathetic tornMartinez’s Partido IndependentistarnPiiertoiriqueno (PIP); the party tends torn”attribute many social ills to the excessiverndependency on government handouts.”rnPart)- leaders also believe that independencernwill allow Puerto Ricans “to regainrntheir dignity and pride” and instillrn”a new work ethic.”rnAn indigenous creation, the PIP is notrneasily translated into terms intelligible tornRichard Gephardt and Trent Lott. It hasrnattacked government waste and politiciansrnwho travel abroad and called for anrnemphasis on “manly sports.” HistorianrnRaymond Carr, in a study for the TwentiethrnCentury Fund, noted that, to thernPIP, “a national theater is . . . as importantrnas a national economy.” Televisionrnis loathed for its “violence, cultural assimilation,rnindividualism and the excessrnof consiunerism.”rnThe PIP is also absolutist—extremist!rn—when it comes to Puerto Ricornmaintaining her language. The island’srnEnglish-speaking masters have discouragedrnthe use of Spanish off and on o’errnthe last hundred years, and Puerto Ricornis unlikely to achieve statehood withoutrnsome requirement, however ineffectual,rnthat her people learn a Spanglish patois.rn(More than 60 percent now speak no Englishrnat all.)rnWell-meaning nativists play into thernhands of the Cold War liberals (who, arndecade after the Soviet Union’s collapse,rnstill define American politics) by wieldingrnsuch sHcks of petty tyranny as “Englishrnonly” dictates. Statehooders whornpress bilingualism on Puerto Rico seek tornremove her heart and accept the corpserninto our union. (Imperialists care aboutrn”the cage, not the birds,” according torn/Mbizu Campos.)rnIndependentistas are right: Puerto Ricansrnwho advocate statehood are notrnmerely misguided; like the Americansrnwho sat on metric-conversion boards orrnworked for the CIA, they are collaboratorsrnin the destruction of their nation.rnThey gudesslv eschew the seemingly unobjectionablernphrase “Puerto Rican people”rnand instead describe themselves asrn”U.S. citizens resident in Puerto Rico.”rnWhat self-respecting American wants tornshare citizenship with bloodless peoplernwho deny the primacy of their homeland?rnSomeone like Senator Martinez isrneasier to understand, with his pronouncementrnthatrnPuerto Rico’s heart is not American.rnIt is Puerto Rican. The nationalrnsentiment of Puerto Ricansrnis entirely devoted to our patria, asrnwe call our homeland in Spanish.rnWe are Puerto Ricans in the samernway that Mexicans are Mexicansrnand Japanese are Japanese. For us,rn”we the people” means we PuertornRicans.rnSo where do we go from here? ShallrnPuerto Rico join Hawaii and Alaska?rn(Fittingly, Alaska Congressman L^onrnYoung is the leading statehood advocaternin the House, as one bastard state helpsrnbeget another.) Guam, with its activerncommonwealth movement and murmursrnof statehood, will be next.rn”There seems to be a feeling in thernUnited States against permitting othersrnto be responsible for their own welfare,”rnwrote Mimoz Marin 70 years ago. Thatrnfeeling seldom extends beyond WallrnStreet and the District of Columbia—dornany of your neighbors give a damn aboutrnPuerto Rico one way or the other?—butrnit has earned us the hatred of peoplernagainst whom Main Street Americansrnharbor no ill will.rnThat statehood talk is in the air suggestsrnjust how thoroughly Puerto Ricornhas been routed. The loss of one’s culture,rnthe pretty poison of statehood, isrn”insidious,” wrote Munoz Marin.rnIt works while you sleep. Itrnchanges the expression of ‘ourrneyes, the form of your paunch, therntone of your voice, your hopes ofrnHeaven, what your neighbors andrnyour women expect of you —allrnwithout giving you a chance tornfight back, without even presentingrnto you the dilemma of fightingrnback or not.rnPuerto Rico, he predicted, “will neverrnbe incorporated into the Union as a Staternsave through the operation of culturalrnforces: that is, not unless, and until, ourrnmanner of life and thought has been respectablyrnAmericanized” (or until Americansrnhave been disrespectfully PuertornRicanized). A fantastic and painless hell,rnMunoz Marin called it, with a grinningrnnewt standing at the gate. The price ofrnadmission is the loss of Puerto Rico’srnsoul. Wliat kind of monster regards thisrnas a bargain?rnUnder Puerto Rican statehood, thernDemocrats will keep Maria’s welfarernchecks coming, and the Republicansrnwill force her children to speak Englishrnand scorn their mother’s tongue, as wellrnas the mother tongue. Maria’s greatgrandchildrenrnmay become fanaticalrnnationalists, but by then it will be toornlate. They’ll need Berlitz tapes and Sonyrnrecorders to relearn the language.rnYoung Munoz Marin wanted “PortornRico to be Porto Rico, not a lame replicarnof Ohio or Arizona.” It is more likely,rngiven the official celebrahon of all thingsrnnon-American, that Ohio will becomerna lame replica of Puerto Rico, as thernchildren of Akron and Ponce snoozernthrough the same federalK- approved historyrntexts and watch the same Fox nighttimernsoaps and learn everything aboutrnRosie O’Donnell and nothing aboutrnSherwood Anderson or Pedro AlbizurnCampos.rnThe United States of America, the 48rncontiguous states on the North Americanrncontinent, cannot absorb Puerto Rico (orrnHawaii or Alaska, for that matter) with-rnJANUARY 1999/39rnrnrn