an unnamed reporter for a Floridantabloid, the Star: a middle-aged mannwith intellectual tastes, once a teachernof remedial composition at a communityncollege, who through failure andndespair finds himself reduced to manufacturingngrotesque confabulations fornthe enjoyment of his paper’s credulousnreaders.nIt is a type of work that directs thenmind toward the contemplation of absurdity.nThough Mr. Slavitt might havenswiped these from real-life tabloids onnsale at supermarkets across America —nand with equally amusing results — hisnheadlines for Star scoops are nonethelessnwitty inventions. “Dieter GoesnBerserk, Tries to Eat Dwarf,” is antypical example; while better yet is thisnclassic pair: “Space Alien BodiesnFound on Mt. Everest,” to be followednin the next week’s edition by “LittlenGreen Gorpses Mangled by Bigfoot.”nInspired also by his study of the lives ofnChristian saints, Mr. Slavitt’s narratornhas been affected by the views ofnNicolas de Malebranche, a French theologiannand mathematician of the 18thncentury. According to Malebranche,nevil can be accounted for if you merelynassume that things just happen, withoutnreason or motive except in thenmind of God, which itself is unknowable.nThere’s no point in trying to figurenout why innocent people suffernand evil people prosper. In the sensenof following necessarily from previousnconditions, neither circumstancencomes about in any intelligible way.nIt is one of his book’s faults that onnthe hundredth invocation of Malebranche,ninteresting though he may be,nthe reader is tempted to start skimming.nThe other fault of Lives of thenSaints is that, in his enthusiasm fornmapping out the implications of Malebranchianism,nMr. Slavitt skimps onnstorytelling. His narrator’s assignmentnis to write a series of articles documentingnthe lives of a collection of people,nall victims of a parking-lot shootingnspree, by reference to the minor personalnpossessions they left behind —nrelics of these modern-day martyrs. Sonwe proceed from one victim to another,nincluding a failed poet, a travelnagent, a little boy, and an exile fromnKhomeini’s Iran, each leaving behindnmourners with their own ways of dealingnwith grief—while Mr. Slavitt, innbrief paragraphs, offers page upon pagenof reflections on their fate.nOn the other hand. Lives of thenSaints offers other pleasures. Mr. Slavittnhas a gift for writing fresh, bouncy,neven funny prose about such knottynphilosophical problems as the relationshipnbetween cause and effect. “Therenare,” he says in a typical passage,naccording to Malebranche, twonideas of how nature works. Innone, nature is a dynamicnstorehouse of causes and forcesnwith their implied effects andnconsequences. This is thenwidespread but false view. Thenother possible idea is simpler,nclearer, less widespread butnnonetheless true — that there isnonly the temporal relation ofnbefore and after. What wenthink of as causality hasnnothing to do with any earliernevents but is solely the will ofnGod.nIt is in the discrete details of his story,nhowever, that Mr. Slavitt’s imaginationnis revealed to greatest advantage. Hisnnarrator talks about the “intimate authority”nof personal relics, and Mr.nSlavitt has invented a catalogue of themnthat could not offer more luminousntestimony had they been plucked fromnreal life. For example, at the home ofnProfessor Stratton, the poet manque,nwe find pencilsnlined up … on his desk pad.nNot just a random handful, butnan even dozen. And all of themnsharpened to beautiful conicalnpoints.nWhich suggests that writingndidn’t come easily to him.nSo he hated his job . . . Henwanted, as Stephanie [his wife]nhas told me, to put his teachingnbehind him and devote himselfnto art. But the desk suggests anpencil sharpener rather than anyndemoniac maker of sentences.nMr. Slavitt’s thumbnail descriptionsnof the characters he introduces arenequally economic and telling. Of onenfat young woman, he writes, “Gherylnwas an intelligent and attractive gidnbefore she undertook to eat herself intonimmenseness and thereby avoid thosenstrenuous sexual sweepstakes of whichnshe had been the reluctant observer.”nOf his narrator’s overseer at the Star:n”Lansberg is a quadrisexual, which is anperson willing to do anything withnanyone for a quarter.” Though thennovel breaks down when read in full,nthe pleasure of its bits and pieces isnconsiderable.nDavid Klinghoffer is a film and TVncritic for the Washington Times.nLIBERAL ARTS-nLEADING BY EXAMPLEnFollowing the lead of Marion Barry, whose arrest in Januarynfor cocaine possession occurred during the week he wasnhosting a national conference on drugs, the head of Houston’snDrug Enforcement Administration office was arrested ansecond time for driving while intoxicated.nMarion Hambrick received his first DWI charge onnAugust 9, 1989, when en route to a DEA news conferencenhe crashed his car into the back of a city bus. His bloodnalcohol content was 0.14 percent, above the state standard fornintoxication. A pre-trial motion, however, suppressed thisninformation, and he was found not guilty. The acquittalneased a work predicament for Hambrick, who had neadyncompleted the 20 years of federal service necessary fornretirement.nHambrick’s second arrest came on June 1, the day after henhit and seriously injured a sixty-six-year-old cyclist. This timenHambrick refused the Intoxilyzer test. As of this writing, henwas awaiting arraignment and was free on a $500 bond.nMark Evans, lead prosecuter in Hambrick’s first trial, said,n”He just didn’t learn much of a lesson last time. It’s mynopinion he was guilty [in the first trial] based on the evidence,nand he should’ve been found guilty.”nnnSEPTEMBER 1990/41n