That, as well as Dr. Koop’s response,nis sheer, unadulterated sophistry. Censorshipnmeans the banning of a publicationnor display of human creations fornothers to freely choose to accept ornreject.nIf and when members of the tobacconindustry withhold ads from papers thatntreat them unkindly—and the TobacconInstitute denies that this is a widespreadnpractice, or that it even has any impactn—they are simply refusing to trade innways they believe will not be to theirnadvantage. That is no different from mynchoosing not to eat at a certain restaurantnor refusing to purchase a particularncoat—perhaps for odd reasons (e.g., Inam a vegetarian, I object to the use ofnanimal furs). Such a boycott is thenhighest example of exercising our rightnto freedom of choice, and in a freensociety no one with an ounce of understandingnof the nature of individualnCAPTAIN FICTIONnMark Twain has a sketch in which, afterna concerted effort to adequately expressnhis horror at the book he’s reviewing, henfinally throws up his hands. He can’t donit justice, he says, only quoting from itncan do it justice, and as I remember henquotes from the thing for several oppressivenpages. I understand Twain’s pointnexactly, and after taking a look at formernbroadcaster Gordon “Captain Fiction”nLish’s new Extravaganza, I feel my ownnwords will fall short. I simply mustnquote:n”Smith says to Dale, ‘Dr. Dale, Dr.nDale, what happened to you, Dr. Dale,nyou used to be such a lovely nicenperson, Dr. Dale, whoever could havenpointed to a more gorgeous lovely person.nDr. Dale, so forthcoming withnpeople and such a regular fella withnpeople, so totally humble and mild—nfreedom would dare suggest that itnconstitutes censorship. Are we to regardnCesar Chavez a censor just because henproposes to boycott grapes? What aboutnthose Jews who, after 1945, refused tonbuy German cars? Or, perhaps evennmore pertinently, what about peoplenwho refuse to purchase blasphemousnliterature or refuse to go to see The LastnTemptation of Christ? Actually, somenpeople did, indeed, claim that thenrefusal to run or to view that movienamounted to censorship. But that isnjust as much nonsense as Dr. Koop’snremark.nIn a free country there is freedom ofnthe press and freedom of choice as tonwhat press one reads or which pressnone hires for purposes of running one’sncommercials. The paper can reject thenads and the advertiser can refuse tonplace his ads in it—it is all a matter ofnfree trade. Because all of us have thisnLIBERAL ARTSnoh, but now, Dr. Dale, now—mynGod, you got on you such a way aboutnyou, Dr. Dale, you got to be so highnand mighty with your way about you,nDr. Dale—look at you, nowadays younare always acting like such a terrific bignshot. Dr. Dale, always walking aroundnwith your nose so stuck up there in thenclouds.’nDale says to Smith, ‘Who, moi?'”nStill with us? But for such a literaryngiant one petard is not enough:n'”Mr. Smith, Mr. Smith, but youncouldn’t not possibly not hear it, Mr.nSmith!’n’Naught, Dr. Dale.’n’No moo?’n’Naught.’n’No ding?’n’Naught.’n’No ha ha ha ha ha ha ha?’n’Nope.’n’Nothing?’nnnfreedom in such a society, there is angreater likelihood of all the news andnall the various commentary gettingnfully aired somewhere. No advertisernnor any of the publications offeringnroom to run ads is owed cooperationnfrom the others.nRonald Reagan said his regrets includednthe deficit, but that the rest ofnhis administration was not bad, “not atnall bad.” I beg to differ. With Dr. Koopnhe might as well have hired RalphnNader or Jeremy Rifkin. None of thesenindividuals has a clear enough understandingnof the nature of individualnliberty to deserve to be in a governmentnsworn to protect it for all of us,nsmokers or nonsmokers.nTibor R. Machan teaches philosophynat Auburn University in Alabama,nand is a senior editor of Reason.n’Naught but thee, Dr. Dale.’n’You mean to tell me you didn’t hearngoodness and mercy following us all ofnour days, Mr. Smith?’n’So this was supposed to be alsonincluding Thursdays, Dr. Dale?'”nThe truly dispiriting thing about thenavant garde is that it creaks; it has allnbeen done years ago, like 40 years ago,nand however badly done then, betterndone then than now. I saw a 65-yearoldnwoman at Le Cirque once, a womannwith crocus-yellow hair and scarletnnails and a big diamond ring, wearing anhat with a long feather and—this wasnthe killer — a black backless dress.nThere was something almost admirablenabout her effrontery, but really, shenwasn’t fooling anybody. As CaptainnFiction writes, “No moo, no ding, nonha ha ha ha ha ha ha!”n—Jack RamsaynJUNE 1989/51n