LnTitlenAgain, it depends. Migrants shouldnjust recognize that they don’t have anclue and hope for the best.nReed’s Rule has an important corollary:nSince you don’t know what’sngoing on, be very careful about offeringnadvice. A story going the rounds downnhere illustrates that point: A Northernngentleman retires to the rural South.nThe first morning he’s sitting on hisnporch enjoying the scenery when anfarmer comes walking down the roadnwith a hog beside him. The newcomerngreets his new neighbor and asks himnwhere he’s going with the animal. Thenfarmer says that he’s taking the hog to anfine mudhole down the road to let himnwallow some.n”What’s the matter?” the Yankeenasks. “Don’t you have water at yournhouse?” Slightly offended, the farmernreplies that of course he has water.n”Well, couldn’t you make a mud-nGreat Topics, Great Issues!nCatch up on the CHRONICLESnyou’ve missed by orderingnfrom the following collectionnof recent back issues.nD Popular Wisdom Steven Goldberg on the truth in stereotypes andnThomas Molnar on the anatomy of cliches. $2.50nn Personal Fireworks: Modern Times/Modern ArtnJohn Aldridge on the novel and the imperial self; John Sisk on drugs,ncensorship, and Hollywood; Janet Barlow on the Bob Greeneing ofnAmerica; and Andrei Navrozov on the art of Colleen Browning. $2.50nD The Tower of Babel: The American Nation in an International WorldnSamuel Francis and Thomas Reeves on the McCarthy legacy; InganKaretnikova and Igor Golomstock on Big Brothel’s portraits. $2.00nD The Spiral Staircase: Evolution and MannEdward O. Wilson on genetic determinism and morality;nStanley Jaki on the moral legacy of Darwin. $2.00nD Amber Waves of Grain Fred Chappell on the poet and the plowman;nAndrei Navrozov on artist Igoi Galanin. $2.00nD Sexual Politicking Thomas Fleming on old Adam, new Eve; GeorgenGilder on dames, defense, and democracy; Carol McMillan onnmothers and others. ‘ $2.00nn A House Divided y^dmiral James Stockdale on POW ethics; RussellnKiikon the perils of ideology $2.00nD Counting the Ways: The World, the Flesh, and the Social SciencesnRobeit Nisbet on the uses of tiadition; John Shelton Reed on surveynsociology; and Irving Louis Horowitz on the doctors and the bomb. $2.00n*Postage and handling included in issue piice.nName Address.nhole up there?”n”I expect I could, but why would Inwant to do that?”n”Good Lord, man, think of the timenit would save!”n”Yeah,” says the farmer, “but what’sntime to a hog?”n(Watch it: Don’t be so sure who thatnjoke is on.)nI have a similar story—a true one.nLast fall I hired a couple of men to tearndown our old garage (a job the termitesnalready had well in hand). While theynwere slamming away with crowbarsnand sledgehammers, my neighbor’s father,nvisiting from Michigan, camenover to where I was watching. “Younknow, up North we’d get a front-endnloader in there and we’d have thatnbaby down in a half-an-hour.”nWell, now. Here’s another rule forngetting along in the South. If you mustngive unsolicited advice, pretend it’snsomething that just occurred to you.nTotal Amount Due:nCity_ _State. _Zip.n44 / CHRONICLESnQty. Amt.nChronicles • 934 North Main Street • Rockford, IL • 61103 CBU286nnnJnNever, under any circumstances, tellnus how it’s done up North.nNever mind that you think thenNorthern way is superior. Even if itnis—especially if it is—we don’t wantnto hear about it. Even the most cosmopolitannSoutherner is likely to brisde atnthat. Atlanta columnist Lewis Grizzardnputs it eloquently: “Delta is readynwhen you are.”nNow my neighbor’s father meantnwell, and she and her husband arennice folks, and they are my neighbors.nSo I did not say “Eat hot lead, Yank.”nNeither did I say: “Well, down herenwe get a couple of old boys in withncrowbars and save us some money andnkeep ’em off the welfare.” But I couldnhave. It’s true that heavy machineryncould have done that job in half annhour instead of the three or four it tooknthe fellows I hired. But I paid themn$60 instead of the $75 minimum itnwould have cost me for a machine andnan operator. And my county has annunemployment rate of about 3 percent.nWhat’s Lansing’s?nAs a matter of fact, though, I didn’tnsay much of anything at all, just mumblednsomething.nI did a little better last summernwhen a New York acquaintance,nthinking of retiring to our area, asked ifnthere had been much Klan activitynlately. Now that question is about asnappropriate as my asking him aboutnthe Mafia—no less, no more. It’s anfact that the Klan exists. It’s an unpleasantnfeature of our cultural landscape.nBut there’s less activity thannthere used to be; it doesn’t affect mostnof us in our daily lives (we go wholenmonths without thinking about it); andnit’s unobtrusive enough that most of usnare content to let the police worrynabout it. I guess I could have said allnthat, but I actually said something like:n”Well, some of the boys act up nownand then, but if you keep your opinionsnto yourself and don’t let ’em hearnyour accent, they won’t bother younnone.”nI’m afraid that New Yorker nownthinks he knows what’s going on.nThat’s his second mistake.nJohn Shelton Reed teaches about thenmodern South at the University ofnNorth Carolina at Chapel Hill.nMany of his students and some of hisnbest friends are from the North.n