Snickers by the pallet.rnWe’re a nation, laments Fumento,rnthat now buys its big pants from a Nothingrnin Moderation catalog and can readrnin People’s “Happy As They Are” coverrnarticle that Delta Burke, Rosie O’Donnell,rnand Wynonna are showing, poundrnfor pound, that scrawny is no longer arnprerequisite for happiness and success.rn”Ultimately, our growth in girth is a socialrnproblem, just as unwed pregnancies,”rnasserts Fumento, and that meansrn”society needs to take responsibilit)- forrndefending its interests.” Our lunch, inrnshort, is no longer a private matter.rnTaking the lead, Chicago, Washington,rnD.C., Maryland, and Maine havernlevied higher taxes on snacks and softrndrinks. Going further, San Francisco’srn”Sustainability Plan,” a report preparedrnfor and endorsed by the city government,rncalls for more “culturally responsive”rnfoods, a “fruit tree in every yard,” andrn”citywide production quotas” for “appropriaterncrops.”rnFrank Vandall, the Emory Universit)’rnlaw professor who egged on Mississippirnto file the first lawsuit against tobaccorncompanies and currently has plaintiffs’rnlawyers licking their chops over a classactionrnkill against beer and liquor companies,rnsays that he “can’t rule out” thatrnAmerica’s fast-food chains will be thernnext target. “Look next for charges thatrnthe soft-drink industry deliberately manipulatesrnthe sugar and fat content ofrntheir products in order to hook consumers,”rnsays Investor’s Business Daily.rnUnfortunately, as this latest uproar ofrnpreaching and central planning beginsrnturning into another regulator}- and litigationrnmonstrosity, scientific evidence isrntaking a backseat to the conventional wisdomrnabout the link between weight andrnhealth. For instance, Glenn A. Gaesser,rnprofessor of exercise physiology at thernUniversity of Virginia, reports that “thernlowest death rates are found in the fittestrnmen and women, no matter what theyrnweigh.” In fact, actuarial studies showrnthat “for an average-height woman (5rnfeet 3 inches to 5 feet 6 inches) in herrnfifties, the weight at which she wouldrnhave the lowest of all mortality ratesrnwould be 185-194 pounds.” Gaesser’srnadvice? “Exercise more, eat healthierrnfoods and don’t obsess about the numbersrnon the bathroom scale.”rnInstead of that path of individual responsibility,rnthe proposed course of morernlitigation and regulation represents anotherrnassault on capitalism and freedom.rnon the right of individuals to make freernchoices in the market. Free choice hasrnbeen replaced by “healthy choice,”rnwhich means that citizens will be free tornchoose only what bureaucrats and thinktankrn”scholars” decide is good for them.rn-Ralph KReilandrn” C H O O S E L I F E ” does not “fosterrnchoice,” or so said Florida GovernorrnLawton Chiles when he vetoed the manufacturingrnof license plates with this prolifernmessage. Was it the smiling faces onrnthe license plate he didn’t like? Thernbright colors? More likely, he just didn’trnwant to offend anyone. Apparently, thernol’ he-coon was disappointed thatrn”choosing life” has nothing to do withrnabortion clinics, and he just didn’t wantrnto promote a political message. That’srnunderstandable. Perhaps a little help isrnwhat is needed here.rnTo appease the liberal left of America,rnwho feel most disenfranchised over thernissue, I propose the following pro-choicernlicense plates of which even Walkin’rnLawton himself might approve. Firstrnand foremost, the anti-life crowd mightrnlike a “Choose Death” auto tag; in black,rnof course, with a picture of JackrnKevorkian in the corner, just for kicks.rnOr how about a “Choose Tax” licensernplate graced with a smoldering cigaretternto signify the government’s latest squeezernplay for more big bucks. Kids will thinkrnit is the coolest thing since Joe Camel,rneven if they have to pay a little extra for it.rnAnd what socialist could refuse it?rnFor all you soccer moms out there, Irnrecommend the highly fashionablern”Choose Stupidit}” plate. This popularrnlittle item not only displays your own ignorance,rnbut also helps to promote thernpublic school system which, in turn,rnshould supply us with enough prisonersrnto tag every sport utility vehicle in America.rnAnd in recognition of Gay Motorists’rnWeek, what would be a more fittingrnstatement than a colorful, pinkrncondom, defiantly displayed on theirrnown rear ends? If nothing else, it wouldrncertainly discourage tailgahng—at leastrnfrom the rest of us.rnFor our Democratic dads, we have arnstylish, yet serious, tag with an atomicrnmushroom cloud on a red background.rnThis will make Bill Clinton supportersrnvery happy since it was our own Presidentrnwho supplied the Red Chinese withrnthe nuclear capability to make it all possible.rnBut hey, it was worth it. Anythingrnto keep those Republican extremistsrnout of the White House. “Choose China”rn. . . but on a Japanese import?rnNever mind the conservationists andrnanimal rights wackos. They already haverntheir own recycled propaganda, proudlyrndisplayed on every broken Yugo bumperrnacross the fruited plain. Sure, we shouldrnsave the manatee and Florida panther,rnbut not at the expense of humans. Whatrnthey always neglect (or refuse) to admit isrnthat we are also part of the same naturalrnworld which they so vehemently seek tornprotect. The heck with the spottedrnowl—save the humans!rnAnd don’t forget our atheist and agnosticrnfriends. Why, they are just prayingrnfor a plate which will ostensibly widenrn(the Founding Fathers never meant separate)rnthe gap between Church andrnState—one perhaps with nothing on it atrnall. Or simply, a crucifix with a crossrnthrough it will do. “Choose?” might bernan appropriate tide for this little gem.rnLest we forget the homeless, the lessrnfortunate, the poor among us, I humblyrnsubmit a small and affordable “ChoosernDespair” license plate that can be easilyrnadjusted to fit any shopping cart. It willrncertainly do wonders for their self-esteem,rnand also make us feel good aboutrnourselves. Remember, for the most part,rnthey have choices, too.rnAh, what the heck, maybe the governor’srnright after all. Perhaps this sortrnof rhetoric is only suitable for bumperrnstickers, cheap buttons at political conventions,rnand talk radio. But if evenrnchoosing life is considered politically incorrect,rnwhat the hell is the alternative?rn—joePrussingrnC R I M I N A L ALIENS are not as welcomernin the United States as they oncernwere. In an effort to salvage its credibility,rnthe Immigration and NaturalizationrnService (INS) deported over 50,000 illegalsrnwith criminal records in fiscal 1997.rnBut in some parts of the country, the newrnand harder line is softening, for reasonsrnthat have nothing to do with the interestsrnof American taxpayers. For instance,rnGovernor George Pataki of New York—rna state where 27 percent of the prisonrnpopulation consists of illegal aliens—hasrnnow changed his stance on the early releasernand deportation of these criminals,rnin accordance with President Clinton’srnpromise to make things easier for Caribbeanrncountries, whence a disproportionaternnumber of New York’s foreign of-rn6/CHRONICLESrnrnrn