In The Darkrnby George McCartneyrnA Voice in the Darknessrn1 \as finishing the original draft of thisrncolumn carh on the morning of Septemberrn1 1 when 1 receied the news. Mrnwife called me from the grammar schoolrnw here she teaches near orn’ home onrnLong Island. “Something awfnl,” shernsaid c|uieri and then told me of the terroristrnattacks on the World Trade Centerrntow ers. I rnshed to the tclc ision andrnwatched the ideo footage in cold disma.rnIhcn reports of the assanlt on thernPentagon came in, followed b’ the collapsernof the towers. 1 slumped on nn sofa.rnAUhongh nn deadline was at hand, Irntound it im|50ssible lo return to m- ke-rnhoartl. Reicwing nioies seemed obsecucKrnfri()lous at the moment. I s]3cutrnthe rest of the da” mesmerized bv thernteleision screen as eents unfolded.rnMost of the carK- images seemed to bernshot at a distance of a quarter-mile orrnmore with minimal or no audio recording.rnThis made the ccntseeni unreal —rnor. rather, surreal. It looked like somethingrnout of a bad disaster moie, somediingrnthat could not be happening to thernlobb in lower Manhattan I had walkedrnthrourrh fie das earlier, in a buildiuE;rnw here m nephew s fiancee uas trainingrnfor a new job, on a street less than half arnmile from w here m son’s fiancee works.rnLater in the da-, I learned that nn sccrctarrns husband had been schedrded to isitrna client’s offices in the north tower andrnthat in friend Ahke Lshko, a New orkrnCih tircfighter, had been sent to a stagingrnarea at Shea Stadium, waiting to berncalled in for rescue work. ‘I’hen I rememberedrnthat my cousin Anne Marie w orkedrnacross the street. I went to the phone,rnand, after a few hours, I considered m-rnselt lnck. None of m famih and friendsrnhad been reported hurt. I’hc next dav,rnhoweer, my brother, formerh with diernNew “^’ork Cih Tire Dc]3artmcnt, calledrnto tell me of Hie unluckw 0er 20 of hisrnfriends from Lirchouse 23 had beenrnamong the first rescue teams to arrie atrnthe scene; Hie all perished in the colhipscrnof the south tower. The next callrnbrought the tragedx cen closer. Mrncousin’s husband, Kdmund MeNalh,rnliad been at his office on the 97th floor ofrnthe soudi tower. \ hen the first plane hit.rnApocalypse Now ReduxrnProduced hy Producer Zoetrope StudiosrnDirected hy Francis Ford CoppolarnScreenplay hy John Miliusrnand Francis Ford CoppolarnRe-released hy Muainax Filmsrnand United Artistsrnhe went to a staircase, helping his colleaguesrnattempt to reach ground level. Asrnhe did so, he made diree calls to his wifernon his cell phone, telling her the first h()rnhmes that he thought their chances wererngood. On the third, howexer, he said diernsmoke had become blindingK- thick, fiernand his comjxinions could liardK’ breathe,rnand he was no longer confident of escaping.rn’I’hen, despite the desperation hernmust liae been feeling, he took Hnie torntell her that he loved her and their direerngirls. “Wish Lrin hap])’ birthda” werernhis last words. As 1 write, his daughtersrnare shll calling his cell phone, longing tornhear his voice once more. There’s beenrnno answer et, but thc’ liaeii’t given uprnhope. Neither lia’e I. Of course, it ma’rnbe that L.d will not be heard from again.rnOne diing is certain, howeer: His oieernwill neer be silenced. Lie spoke outrnbraeK and lo ingh against the darkness.rnWe iiiirst do no less.rnLike so mam others, I didn’t knowhowrnto react at first. As the hours passedrnon Tuesdax and Wediiesda-, 1 continuedrnto sit on ni sofa, watching, waiting, butrnnot understanding. At times, ni wiferntells nic, I ceii nodded off I didn’t realizernit then, hut I was in shock. I had gonernemotionalIv numb. M- wife had thernsame experience. We had entered diatrnpsehologieal state that defends us fromrnregistering enormities that might otherwisernunbalance us.rnLhen, late on September 12, emotionrnreturned. First sorrow , profound andrnhelpless, as I began fccbU to grasp whatrnthe ding must hae experienced in theirrnlast moments and diniK felt the pain thatrnwould be the lot of the loved ones left behind.rnThen, thi ‘ came: anger againstrnthe perpetrators, of course, but also w ithrnmself and all Americans who had refusedrnto see w hat so clead had been iiiernitable. At first, I had called the attackrnunimaginable. Now, I realize I could notrnhae been more mistaken. This strikernagainst America was all too imaginablernfor anyone who had stayed suffieientKrnaware, as the writers elsewhere in diis issuernhave made unniistakablv clear. Likernso nianv odicrs, until September 11,1rnhad found it inconenieiit to imaginernsuch an event. For this, I feel especiallvrncidpable. After all, it is my business torndiscuss works of the imagination. Itrnseems diat, like man- Americans, I hadrnpreferred to domesticate die imaginationrnof disaster, restricting it to a harmless plarnof light and shadow on a screen. I hadrnbeen eomplieit with our national will tornignorance.rnI was also irritated b’ those of our leadersrnwho insisted on calling the attack anrnact of cowards. The charge of cowardicernnia seem politiealK” |3rudent, but die Islamicrnterrorists’ actions were anvthingrnbut. That ridiculous word hopelessh’rnblurs die reality- of what we now- face. AsrnI v-rite, there is oiiK’ speeidation aboutrnwho is responsible. But whoexer it is, onernthing is certain: This attack was undertakenrnb disciplined idealists. Call themrnruthless fanatics, merciless zealots, or suicidalrntrue believers; don’t call them cowards.rnThese were men who put theirrncause above their own lives. Lloweverrnmisgiuded, tlie were martvrs to theirrnfaith. If we don’t grasp diis, we will fataLrnly misunderstand what must be done. Irnassume that, beyond the rhetoric, thernBush administration understands this.rnBy die hme diis article appears, we’ll norndoubt know.rnReturning to the re iew I had beenrnwriting, I find diat one of die films I hadrnbeen considering has a ghasd’ relevance:rnbrands Ford Cop|3ola’s re-release ofrnApocalypse Now as Apocalypse Now Redux,rnfile addition of the Latin tag isrnmeant to indicate that he’s refiiought hisrn1979 work, adding an addifional 49 minutesrnof footage cut from die original edit.rnHe’s tried to give his oxerheated meditationrnon America’s in-olenient in Vietnamrnmore context and confinuih’.rnLJnfortunatcly, this restoration hasn’trnhelped much. The film remains largcKrnincoherent and pretentious. Nevertheless,rnunlike any odier filmmaker dealingrnw ith Viehiam (and, for diat matter, preciousrnfew dealing with am odicr war), hernand his tougher-minded scriptwriter.rnNOVEMBER 2001/49rnrnrn